Tuesday, July 27, 2010


I think it's time Facebook be bathed in napalm. There are plenty of people who, quite honestly, should just get off of Facebook. Forever.

Let's start with the obvious one: Old people. If I'm sitting here and reading comments about "last nights party" or "that one time I got so drunk I told a girl I loved her and she sent me nude pictures of herself," the last thing I want to see is "Johnny, you should watch your language LOL" Seriously? That isn't cool. Let the buffoons bumble and go knit some more.

And then there are the kids. By kids, I mean anyone who is about 14 and younger. I don't like when two people are bickering and a kid comes in with, "ETHAN U R SO MEAN." I hope you're kidding. I really do. Because when they follow up with, "U WANNA FITE?" then I really lose it. Go play outside before your mom grounds you from your Legos.

Another group I think we should unplug from Facebook are the whiny people. "Jessica is so sick of this. Why are people so mean?" Shut up. Go get a Tumblr if you want to complain over the intarwebz. Or better yet, go make some friends. They care a lot more than the general population of Facebook. I get that people need to vent. But don't do it on Facebook. Do it anywhere else but Facebook. I'm not afraid to publicly humiliate you. In fact, I get some kind of sick joy when I do that. Maybe because I get giddy waiting for your next emotional status.

I think my favorite is the party people. They'll complain about how the cops ruined their party. I guess they don't understand that when you are sixteen and you have red cups in your hands, people get suspicious. Think, people. It's a valuable skill. How else will you know how much a 1/8th is worth? But the best part is the pictures. There is quite obviously a beer can in your hand, yet you deny it when people say you drink. So what was in that can? Water? I guess Budweiser sells H2O in beer cans now.

I also really like the minorities. I'm not saying all people in a racial minority do this, but it seems a vast majority do. What am I talking about? Complaining. "The police pulled me over! I didn't even do anything!" (Cleaned up from the original dribble that it was so you don't lose brain cells) Maybe it's because the car was smoky? Or the loud rap music that you are blaring while driving 65 miles per hour down a 40 mile per hour road. Oh, right, "that cracka" is a racist who is just "hatin' on a bruddah." I'm sure that's his reasoning. In his report, I'm sure he'll write "he was black, so I pulled him over."

That's it for now. I will probably revisit this topic, so you can look forward to that.

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