Sunday, August 1, 2010

10 Reasons Why Canada Sucks

10: Maple syrup. Everywhere. Who does that? I've heard of Tabasco on pancakes, which is weird, too. But maple syrup in beer? I've even heard of people putting it in shampoo. So now you Canadians are wearing food? Way to go.

9: That place is cold. Like, really cold. I've heard stories of people stepping out of the airports and quite literally freezing in place. Like, seriously. It's bizarre. I think when we finally plan to invade them they'll throw snowballs at us. Speaking of which...

8: Their crappy military.

I heard that the operator of that forklift was drunk off the beer.
Speaking of which...

7: The beer. Really? Come on. Just...this one is too easy.

6: England. You know who still has the Queen on their currency? Yup. Canada. How sad is that? 

5: Hockey. "Look at me, I can skate and hit crap with a stick!" GOOD FOR YOU. HEY, HOW ABOUT YOU GO DRINK SOME DECENT BEER?

4: The name. It's Canada. So why are they called Canadians? It should be Canadans. Or Canadia. None of this Canadians are from Canada crap.

3: They're stingy with their oil. Listen, Canadia. Give us some oil or we'll come up there and take it. Seriously. 

This is exactly what it's going to come down to. 
Don't test us.

2: This guy:

1: Also, this kid:

That kid should be illegal. Everywhere. Right now.